My Journey Thus Far...

I wanted to share some personal thoughts as I reflect on this past year and all that I have gone through with my cancer journey. On June 4, 2014 I went in for a routine mammogram, but had some concerns about a very obvious lump I had felt. After the exam, I was immediately escorted into the on sight radiologist to review my results. He said there were four suspicious spots (and it wasn't a family history of cysts) He said the only way to find out for sure, was to do a biopsy. We had a two week period, during which we took a short trip to see our granddaughter, Brooklyn get baptized and enjoy our time with Ryan & Rachelle's family. I was worried and did alot of research on the computer. My biopsy was June 19 and that is a story by itself how they do the test. On Friday, June 20th at about 9:40 a.m. I got the infamous phone call confirming that I had breast cancer. I called Randy and my kids, shared the news with co-workers and ward members later and started what would become a year plus long journey. It is a very humbling experience when you are facing your mortality in the face.

I might add that at the time, Randy was out of work and we had not had insurance for 2 1/2 yrs (first time in our married life). Randy was offered a new job with super insurance benefits just two months after I was diagnosed. As we started this journey, we were given so many "tender mercies", discounts and blessings. Just six weeks before I was diagnosed, I had signed up for an AFLAC supplemental cancer policy because there was so much cancer in my family. What a blessing to be eligible for that and the financial benefits to help with my care. We were also eligible for a $4,000 genetic test that confirmed several weeks later, that I HAD NOT inherited from my parents the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene or the gene for colon cancer. It was a huge blessing to my kids, especially my girls. With the history of cancer in my family it was welcomed news!! The week after my diagnosis, I met with a team of three doctors. My oncologist, my general surgeon and my radiologist. They each explained my planned care. There were lots of tears but never anger or why me? but I tried to keep a positive attitude and sense of humor. On July 10th I had my port put in for my chemo treatment which would be first up because of the size of the tumor 7 cm (about 3-5 in.) On July 18th, I started my first chemo treatment which was a long day and knew that each Friday I would be receiving the first 12 of my treatments and then 4 additional ones some times called the "devils cocktail" because they are so toxic!! I made the weekly trip to Salt Lake and sometimes more often due to complications. When I started this journey, I purchased a hot pink golf shirt and had my kids, grand kids, doctors, nurses and others sign my shirt. It is a fun reminder of all those who have helped in my care.I started losing my hair after 2-3 treatments, so in August my kids and grand kids and Randy shaved my head. Katie made a fun video of the occasion. I had already shopped for a wig and so started wearing hats, scarves and my cute new wig. Randy, my girls, Matt all helped me clear until December 5th when I was done with chemo!! My family came to help celebrate that final day, my girls wore their pink shirts, I got to ring the bell (for last chemo-Ring the Bell, Run Like Hell) brought balloons, flowers and a banner to run through leaving the building. I grew to love my doctor, his physician assistant and the nurses and others who helped me through this first phase.


Its good you forget about the bad days and bad times and are just grateful to be alive! Just a week after my last chemo, I was not feeling good to all. Allie made an un-expected visit to my oncologist office to get hydrated. I had fallen several times getting out of the shower and getting dressed (because I was so weak). The weekend did not get any better. Sunday night my two sisters came to visit me and said to Randy, " I really think you need to take her to emergency" We didn't, but Monday Randy called the doctor and was told to get me to Emergency at St. Marks Hospital NOW. I didn't know how sick I really was. I had more doctors /nurses working on me, was transferred later to ICU and spent five days in the hospital. Randy had been busy calling the kids and saying, "I don't know if Mom is going to make it" and being told by the doctor in the emergency room when Randy asked if my wife is going to be OK, he replied, " I hope so." Ryan called from Montana and said, "You aren't going to die on me Mom are you?" I said . "I hope not." I found out that I had pneumonia, sepsis in one lung, low low blood pressure, my kidneys were failing,my white blood count was almost 0 and other problems. WOW!! When I came home from the hospital on December 20th, my Christmas was all up, shopping was done (I planned ahead) and was put on quarantine for at least two weeks and got lots of pills. Because of my unexpected hospital visit, my double mastectomy surgery and starting radiation was delayed. I used my time to get my strength up, quit my job on February 6th and prepared for surgery on March 2.
 
I had my double mastectomy (as a preventative) and spent 3 days in the hospital. I went from being a "well-endowed" over 60 woman to the profile of a 7th grader. It feels so good. When I had the four drains, after a week, removed from my body it was such a relief. The next phase was tissue expanders put in during surgery, to prepare for the radiation and re-construction. I met with my plastic surgeon once a week for 8 weeks to insert fluid to stretch my skin. I started radiation of May 20th, Randy's 65th birthday. I was scheduled for 28 treatments, Monday-Friday 5 times a week for 5 1/2 weeks!! I only have seven left and will so be grateful for June 30 to come. I haven't had any side effects so far, and the treatments are only about 10 minutes in the Tomography radiation machine. I am glad to be close to home by Davis Hospital so I didn't have to drive so far. After my treatment is over, I will have to wait 6-8 weeks to heal and then final re-construction surgery. My plastic surgeon will make me a new woman!! I get to choose the size I want to be. Allie found me a shirt that says "Of course their fake, the real ones tried to kill me!!!"

I have learned so much from this journey so far. I am not done yet. I have learned to be a receiver from all those who want to offer service. I have learned prayer works. Whether it is in your home, church, temple or wherever I have felt it. I have received so much advice, counsel, books, phone calls, meals brought in, treats at my door,anonymous cards and even a pink Christmas tree with angels from my breast cancer survivor neighbor. I have appreciated priesthood blessings, sometimes in the middle of the night when I was coughing so bad I couldn't sleep. I have more fully appreciated my family, friends, co-workers and ward family.

When I had my seizures in January, I could not drive for three months (even though I rebelled a little at the end). I had to rely on family, friends, neighbors to take me to appointments. Sometimes I
even got a ride AND a free lunch and a chance to visit.

I had an opportunity to participate in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure in May and walked (not ran) a 5K and had my family supporting me and share the event with breast cancer survivors (Judy Hill and Arvonne Newton).

I am sharing this story today,because it was one year ago June 20, I got the dreaded phone call that the "C" word had come into my life. I've tried to stay positive,keep my sense of humor and try to learn from this experience.I have shared hugs and tears with some I just met, and with those who are going through cancer themselves and gained a new compassion for their struggle.
I mentioned earlier that my hot pink golf shirt was used to record signatures of those who helped me along the way. So,,, from my oncologist, "I am the one who made you sick!! from my general surgeon, " I am the one who made you flat!! and from my plastic surgeon, "I am the one who will fill you up!! Haven't had my radiologist sign my shirt yet... but I will. 

On another thought... I lost my hair, I lost my boobs and I lost 44 lbs. Heck of a way to do it!

-Lorraine